So I got to spend the weekend in Indiana with my brother as well as a few other friends from Anderson. And of course Dean Waldron, who was my ride back...AWESOME! This was a sweet impromptu weekend for me, I decided Thursday at 3pm that I would ride down to my brothers with my Dad at 5:30pm. He was flying out of the airport in Indy to go to Florida with my Mom and some other friends for the week, so he was driving down to see my brother for a night and also drop off the pooch, Aj, for the week.
This weekend was awesome for me, I have a limited budget right now because I am making car payments on my new car, that I really like. So it was nice to go see my brother and my best friends for very cheap.
It was especially awesome because I just got some quality time with the people whom I love.
Something that many people may take for granted. Something that many people have seldom gone without. Something that many people have scheduled into their daily lives.
Something that I do not often get to enjoy.
Sure my parents live 15minutes away from my downtown home. This is really nice and I take advantage of it at least weekly. But their my parents...haha. I love them to death...but I am 21 years old...haha
But as far as friends and my brother, they are a little further away. I have to at a minimum take an hour long trip to Kalamazoo to see one of my best friends.
4 hours to my brother
3.5 hours to 2 besties
3 hours to a couple other besties
2 hours to another one
They are all over the place, just not in Grand Rapids. Except one...whom I do not hang out with nearly enough, hey Dean.... Haha
First thing I want to address before I get any further...
Depression. I am no where near being depressed. I love life right now, God is teaching me things in my silence, in my solitude.
Community, I have awesome friends. I know at a moments notice the guys listed above would be there for me. They have had my back before and will have it again if I need them. So as for this being some emo, depression writing? You're in the wrong spot.
Moving on.
Loneliness. Now this may be where I am at. I spend hours a day doing things with my time that are often meaningless. Working out, watching tv, occasional homework, making dinner, blogging?, work, school. (work and school are not meaningless...but let's be honest, it's work and school)
Very rarely do I get to hang out with people, I mean I go to school and work when my roommates are home... and I am here when they are working, for the most part. It's definitely fun when they are around..but let's be honest again.. I am in school, they all have careers. We are simply at different points in our lives. There are some people who I get to see around occasionally, even hang out with from time to time. But as far as me having someone whom I can confide in.
Someone who can be there for me at a moments notice.
Someone who pushes me to be better, daily.
Someone who I can do stupid things with but laugh non-stop.
That person is simply not here.
Quick Disclaimer: I am not talking about a girl... Girls always have and hopefully always will scare the shit out of me. I am talking about a man friend, someone with a beard...maybe.
These people are currently anywhere from 1-4 hours away. So yes, I sit here in Grand Rapids on a daily basis... and I am lonely. This is not something that would surprise the aforementioned besties, it's something that I have told each of them about. But it's the reality that I live in right now.
So as Dean and I were driving home today, and on I-96 around mile marker 60. There is a split in the road, where east and west bond lanes turn away from each other. There is a wetland in between that no highway could be built upon. This has always been the place where I say that I am officially "home".
I don't know why I chose this particular land mark, but most times I go to visit friends or my brother I pass this very specific location and it is always either me coming "home" or leaving "home". But today, instead of getting the warm fuzzy feeling of entering into familiarity. I had an opposite feeling, a feeling of uncertainty, of unease. I was not comfortable entering a place that has been home to be for 10+ years now. I realized something that I have come to accept over the past months. I realized that I was once again going back to my loneliness. I was going back to my "home"?
